WHY? ASSHOLE!

We've always wondered why people held ‘not being an ass-hole’ in such high regard. Like, all the ass-holes we know have shit-loads of money, get lots of attention from the opposite sex and usually have pretty sweet jobs. Which got us to thinking: Why the fuck would you want to be a nice person? We phoned up our friends that most seemed to be sitting on the ‘ass-hole’ side of the personality fence and tried to figure out just what makes them such humongous a-holes.

When I go, Ego: The main thing about being a Kanye-hole is to believe that you are a majestic King/Queen and that everybody you meet after you tumble out of your Mothers uterus is your loyal and humble servant. So, from now on, everybody is about 97 places below you on the class scale. Including that woman that gave birth to you.

Obnoxious gases: Waiter taking too long to bring you your starter? Open up your mouth and let it be known! He’s a little bitch that gets more tips than he deserves, anyways. In fact, anything that isn’t done as quickly and proficiently as you want, deserves to be shouted about.

Own something: People that own things are always dicks. It doesn’t even have to be something special, like a house or a job, even. It could just be an account on blogger or wordpress where they take cowardly shots at people that are doing more in life than they ever will. Fucking dicks!

Talk Loud and carry a big phone: Since you’re so special and important and interesting, you may as well turn your inner volume up a couple hundred notches. Talking to your partner about how you’re going to ‘eat out her pussy better than it’s ever been eaten, before’, deserves to be heard by everybody on the bus. Not just your jump-off.

One orgasm to go, please! Having sex is fun. Scratch that, having sex is the most fucking amazing thing that any one person could ever do with another person. But, what’s all this shit about ‘pleasing your partner’ and ‘equal-opps in the bedroom’? When you’re ‘Cocky McArrogant’ your ‘nut’ is the only one that ever needs to be ‘busted’.

Shit happens: The other main thing that a-class a-holes like to do is treat people like shit. Remember how you felt when you got dumped with no explanation and your ex left a voicemail of themselves having sex with someone else on your phone, just to rub it in? Try and make at least one person feel like that a week, for the rest of you life.

via worldofcrunk.wordpress.com
photo cred: jenbaby

-Cinista.