Wednesday, November 26, 2008


How to perform “The Naked Man.”

1. “You’re on a first date, you’ve had a few drinks and you make an excuse to go up to the girls apartment.”

2. “Once she is out of the room you strip down naked and wait.”

3. “When she gets back, she sees you naked and laughs. She is so charmed by your confidence and bravado she sleeps with you.”

"Oh man I’ve totally rocked “The Naked Man.” Recently I was in Portland getting shitfaced at The Matador (the best bar in history?) and “met” some random cute girl who I was making out with before we even exchanged names… I put up a hail mary, and by closing time I had her back at my friend’s place. After tearing through most of a handle of supermarket rum to prove how cool I was I retired to the kitchen for a quick yet dignified puke in the sink. At this point it becomes a lil fuzzy, either I was afraid I got a bit on my shirt or I’m just AWESOME and decided to strip. I appeared from the darkened kitchen corridor like Amy Smart in Varsity Blues to greet a room full of people, sat down on the couch, and put my arm around the girl like as though nothing was out of the ordinary. Antics ensue.

The next day upon returning to the bar, my friends were like, “dude, why not cut out the middle man and just get naked in the bar?” Two minutes later I was down to a cashmere sweater and undies and I had three girls in the bar follow suit. Life’s too short to not drop trau in public just to amuse your friends."



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