Wednesday, December 03, 2008


A couple of random things happened to me last night.

I was at the Mandalay Bay waiting @ Eye Candy for my friend's friends and George. Had a couple of drinks at the bar when this hefty chick with large breasts comes up to me. The convo below.

Her: what's your sign?
Me: Leo why?
Her: Our signs get along together.
Me: O rly?
Her: I bet you I know what you are..
Me: k.
Her: You're filipino.
Me: Nope. I'm vietnamese.
Her: I'm Iranian and Puerto Rican. My mom is vietnamese.
Me: ???

*she starts dancing and rubbing her boobs on my shoulder
*me starts texting george to come quick
*more mindless chatter

Her: I've been with asians and they have small penises. *looks @ my crotch

I just had an experience of how it is for every one of my [girl]friends. When they are chillen at the bar minding their own business and drunk dudes come up to them ogling their b( . )( . )bs... talking about stupid sh*t. I can kinda understand now why some girls are bitches. LOL. I felt like a piece of meat and not in a good way.

George comes up and we bounce.

He thought that was one of the girls we were taking out. :-O

Random thing number two happened when I was @ Walmart after I left Pure. I was at the check-out line with my beer and Chex mix. This fat black dude with a rinky-dink police type badge around his neck starts saying some dumb sh*t.

Him: *to the cashier* You know I can arrest him[ME] right now if we were in Virginia.
Me: ?????????...... what are you talking about? we're in Vegas... there's NO curfew for liqour here. You have NO jurisdiction here, kid.
Him: I'm a federal agent. I have jurisdiction everywhere. You will speak when spoken to.
Me: *chuckles*

I, then, realize that he might be crazy. The cashier also knows that this person is wacko. She glares at me with the biggest eyes. Her face was telling me to just get out of the store quick! LOL.

Him: blah blah blah. I can arrest you.
Me: *pays for my stuff* whatever muthaf*cka.
Him: Don't do illegal things now.


I walk out and dude follows me. He goes into his trunk and takes out a pink MAGlite flashlight. I thought sh*t was going down for sure.

Vegas weirdos, man. They're everywhere!

Is this the chick from Forgetting Sarah Marshall?

She's pretty pretty.

Ever had a funky smell on your finger... like it's really funky but you keep on smelling it anyway?

Now a commercial break.

Here is the first batch of ads released by Nikon showcasing the new S60 which should be coming out very soon. It promotes the face detection feature on the S60. It looks like it will be one of the competitor's against Canon's G10.

Here are questions noone asked me but I'm answering anyway.

Book I’m currently reading:
Suicide Girls book... it's mostly pictures but there are descriptions of the girl's likes and dislikes.

Do you ever come down with a case of motion sickness while reading a book or magazine on the F train?
Is that the 'FUCK YOU' train? I may have answered a question with a question.

Three books that mean a lot to me:
Fresh Spanish Tapas

Last film I saw:
Birds of America with Chandler from Friends... it was really quirky.

Has a passing train interrupted the viewing of a film and/or a romantic interlude?
I live in Las Vegas yo!

Kim’s Video or Netflix:
Netflix from Kristine's... we've been doing Redbox lately.

What’s better: the diner portion of La Esquina or the underground secret restaurant part?
These questions are clearly New York based.

Is CNN news anchor Rick Sanchez a shit head?
It's sad that I do not know who that is.

Would you rather do a weekly hologram related program or a weekly radio show?
These questions are boring me.

Favorite family of geniuses: the Tenenbaums or the Emmanuels?
The Royal Tenenbaums was also a quirky movie.

Why Kate Moss? Why not Helena Christensen or Shalom Harlow?
This is like asking “Why sex? Why not asparagus?” Let’s move on….
I like her answer. Hahahaha. She is obsessed with Kate tho.

How’s the feud with Agyness Deyn going?
I use to hang out with a group of hot girls in college.

Their names are as follows:


Those are like fat girl or grandma names. WTF?!

Do you think Samantha Ronson is really good with her hands or is she blessed with other skills?
I don’t really give a shit about Samantha Ronson.


Lindsay Lohan or Ryan Gosling
Lohan is hot in a slutty white girl kinda way, Gosling isn't really that handsome.

Fat Joe or Big Pun:
Big Pun.

I'm NO longer a player. I just crush alot.

What’s your favorite Hype Williams music video?
I like the Dipset ones. So misogynistic.

Three albums that mean a lot to me:
Cypress Hill[self titled] - Made me fall in love with hip hop.
Miles Davis Birth Of Cool - This played in the background the first time I hooked up with my college gf.
Kanye West 808s And Heartbreak - My soundtrack for 2008. Sadly.

What happened to rap music?
White people.

HAHAHAHA. She cracks me up!

Morrissey or Robert Smith:
Morrissey. The hair is on point.

How many ounces to freedom?
Too many. Sometimes too much is not enough.

Do you have any tips for my fantasy basketball team?
Get real.

Do straight girls sometimes get high and play gay chicken or is it all just drunken bar-pecks?
What's gay chicken? Is that like who can get the closest to each other's vagina?

I think they do it for attention.

Do you have any advice for Mary Rambin?
Don't know who that is.

If you were a member of a gang from the film, The Warriors, what would your gang’s name and uniform be? Related: what is the best way to get back to Coney Island?
Great question!

Will have to come back to this.

So, do you hang out with AntiKris like the all time and have hot blog girl parties in hot tubs with expensive champagne and chocolate covered strawberries and super expensive stereos playing Sade or is it just hanging out at the local bar and occasionally standing outside to smoke cigarettes?
Surprisingly, we don’t hang out that often, but when we do, there is usually whiskey, karaoke, bad movies, and lots of inappropriate conversation.

What’s the biggest misconception people have about you?
That I'm just an asshole. I am an asshole but I'm also a nice guy. A good friend. A good listener. A romantic. I'm not one dimensional. I'm many things.

True or False: East Coast Spanish girls have bigger backdoors than their West Coast counterparts.
Puerto Rican chicks have bigger asses than LA Mexican chicks. Most LA Mexis have big boobs but no ass.

What’s more dangerous: an avocado or a cougar or a bitter, jealous ex?
I am the bitter, jealous ex. I'm definitely the most dangerous.

Would you rather go to a Lakers game with Ryan Gosling, a cricket match with Kate Moss or help Lindsay Lohan pick up her next script?
Lohan's gf has an extensive sneaker collection.

Did I blow it?
Not unless you have bad table manners.

What Notorious B.I.G. song best describes your life?
I'm F*cking You Tonight.

I just heard this in my head today.

Name five people you would like to see answer this survey?
I want to smack her in her smart mouth.



goldie said...

Hefty post!

"When they are chillen at the bar minding their own business and drunk dudes come up to them ogling their b( . )( . )bs..."
WORD! I don't get out much, but when I do and when I drink, I get parched and carry a chapstick (read: not MAC lip gloss). Whenever I put the CHAPSTICK FROM THE GAS STATION OR SOMEWHERE UNSEXY on, guys get all up in my grill talking about me putting lipgloss on my juicy lips. I feel inclined to explain that it's freaking CHAPSTICK and I use it cus I'm parched as hell. I mean. I guess it's a compliment that I can make chapstick seem sexy. But. Like. UGH!
I love the realization that the "cop" was probably some nut. There's a thin line between authority and complete whack job.
I want that camera. BAD. THe green/gold looking one.
Sorry 808s+heartbreaks sums up 2008. The year is almost over and 2009 can be a new start (if you believe in that type of thing).


I'm going to gross people out on many levels, I'm sure. One. I'm talking about pooting. Two. I'm talking about swooning. So. Be warned.

Apparently I SOMETIMES poot in my sleep. And after saying good morning, I try to get the full details from MB on anything that may have gone on during the night that resembles an oven of the dutch variety.

Well. Not only to I sleepoot, but I snort when I laugh. For real.

So. Obsessing again about it, I asked MB what he thought of the whole sleepooting and snorting bit.

"Babe. It's ok. You're like a pug."

Fan.Friggin.Tastic. Cus see: pugs snort and poot. That's their modus operendi. Or however you spell it.

Anyway. Here's some old pics of me. I don't think I'm anything like a pug.

why do i have to join vox to post on your thing??

i have many debates with my female homays about this...

in my world................. girls don't fart or take dumps.... they take a pill once a month so they don't have to do any of that stuff... chicks get soo pissed at this statement... it makes me laughOL!! i guess i'm just used to it... i lived with my last gf for 3 months and i don't remember her farting around me... or even take dumps... i really don't. but i do remember that she didn't eat much either... less food=less dumps??? u jst gave me my next blog, goldie.

"is it sexy to know that your gf takes mean dumps??"


i, too, have a story about a girl who farted in her sleep.

i just think bowel movements and intestinal emanations should be done in private. i know people who are proud of their farts and i thinks that it's superunclassy. whatevs.



yea i usually present myself as a piece of meat when i go to the bars and clubs around here but that chick made me feel dirty. i make fun of THE girls about having such a HARD life... so many guys hitting on them... i didn't see it from their side... all the nasty things being spewed from dudes mouths... LOL. i have a superdirty mind so i can imagine the vile things coming out of drunken MFs @ these places...


yes that cam is badass... i might have to cop a second Nikon next year...


808s will carry over as album [i will listen to alot] next year... unless i man up and stop being emo... i'm a simple man... all i want is a girl that is nice and kind... and is pretty.... and is smart.... and is witty.... and has rhythm when dancing... and is willing to put a show on in her lingerie once a month and twice on special occasions... are there any of those in lv? i don't think that's TOO much to ask for......

njoi your day, goldie. stay tuned for the next hefty blog.

goldie said...

I think I might switch over to blogspot. Too many people ask what's up with not being able to comment without signing up. But I feel this loyalty to the blog I've spent almost 2 years on). How do I breakup with it? Do I do it formally? Help!
I used to believe that chicks (myself included) didn't fart and would defend it to the death. And I am not one of those people who proudly poots. But the boyfriend totes busted me out. Wizack.
I don't know about LV, but there are pleanty of those women here in the Bay Area. I'll set up some dates for you if you make your way up here. You will have to pay me. Or you could make me something. (like polenta!)